Thanks K

So, in a discussion with my Pais mentor, we were talking about writing, as it's one of my callings and goals in life and she helped me realize that I write out of a sense of tension. My word for it was 'frustration,' but I like hers better because it's slightly more positive. But it's true; when I write a lot, whether it's on here or in my journal, you can bet it's because there's tension, aka I'm frustrated. Usually there's tension because someone is frustrating me. And usually that someone is a specific someone.

This person (who we'll call K just to keep things simple) frustrates me more than anyone else in the entire world. K baffles me. K thinks nothing like me. K doesn't live life like I live it or how I think it should be lived. K causes tension in my life. Not between us, but between me and God.

That's because God uses K to show me more of who I am in relation to Him. God uses K to reveal to me that the things that K does that frustrate me, I also do (#conviction). God uses K to cause me to think about what I believe and why. God uses K to help me realize how I want to live my life before Him (and am currently failing) and how I want to relate to Him (so much better than I actually do). God uses K to bring me closer to Him.

I've thought about this before, but not to this extent until right now, so you're getting entirely fresh thoughts (that really just confirm what I thought before). As much as K frustrates me, K has been a massive gift to me and I'm thankful K is part of my life, even though it's rarely easy. K gives me something to think about, something to wrestle with, something to talk (sometimes complain) to God about. And when I do, I come out with greater understanding of who God is. That's huge. 

And out of all that comes the stuff I get to write, the material for the present posts and the future international best-selling books! :)

I'm going to admit right here (please someone remind me later when I forget) that I'm grateful for the tension and thankful for the frustrations and I will forever choose to see K as a gift that God has used to show me more about who He is and to give me stuff worth thinking about and stuff worth writing about. So really what I guess I want to say is, thanks K. I owe you a lot.