Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

Today is one of those days. I'm not even really sure how to describe it. It's the day when I realize my efforts have been in vain and every attempt over the last few days and weeks to hold everything together has fantastically fallen to pieces. Trying to put a band-aid on the gaping head wound has proven futile and now it's time for surgery. Do you know what I'm saying? Can you relate with me at all?

I'm not going to lie, my life has been stressful for the past...oh, 5 weeks.  Things have not gone as I have planned. People have not responded as I thought they would. Expectations have been frustrated and therefore, so have I.

And on top of that, to make it even worse, the enemy hits. Lies and discouragement provoke me and despair lurks around the corner, telling me that everything I believe God is and has said is a lie. I'm tired. I'm a bit overworked. I'm frustrated. So he thinks he has a chance. He thinks this is prime time to tempt me to disbelieve. But unlike every other time before this (seriously, I don't think I've ever withstood it before), I refuse to give in. I refuse to believe the lies he tells me. I refuse to listen. And instead, I speak the word of God over my life. I thank Him for who He is and what He has done. I thank Him for His goodness and faithfulness, for His power and sovereignty, for His kindness and care and attention to the details of my life. I thank Him that He is fighting for me and He is supporting me and giving me grace for my situations. I thank Him for being such a Good Shepherd and such an excellent leader. And I find myself encouraged. Interesting how that works, no?

If you are feeling discouraged as well, please don't give in. Speak the truth of God over yourself--it's so powerful! And choose to believe in His goodness, sovereignty and love!

Have a listen to this! Strength of My Heart by Rend Collective. If you're not encouraged by the end, listen again!

Let's Not Be Like the Israelites

Today we started studying Matthew 14 as a team, Jesus walking on water. But this post has absolutely nothing to do with that. 

As I was finding the page in my Bible so we could begin reading the passage this morning, my eyes fell on Matthew 13:58:

'Now He did not do many mighty works [miracles] there because of their unbelief [lack of faith].' 

And that reminded me of something God has been convicting me about for several months, which I'll get to in just a bit. 

It's interesting to me that in Mark 6, the Gospel writer describes the same story of Jesus's rejection from his home town of Nazareth as Matthew does in chapter 13, saying:

'Now He could do no mighty work [miracles] there...because of their unbelief [lack of faith].'

Did you see that? He couldn't do miracles because of the unbelief of the people there! God! God couldn't do it! Now, that's offensive. My God can do anything. He is SO powerful (as we can see in 1 Kings 18 where He sends fire down from Heaven, which I have yet to write a blog post about...). But Mark says He couldn't do it. What?? 

Several years ago I came across an interesting portion of Psalm 78 which struck me in the same way:

How often they provoked Him in the wilderness,
And grieved Him in the desert!
Yes, again and again they tempted God, 
And limited the Holy One of Israel. 
They did not remember His power...

The Psalmist says that the Israelites in the desert limited God through their unbelief. They provoked Him, they grieved Him, they tempted Him, they limited Him, they did not remember His power. Wow. 

Now, God is God and I believe, as He is completely sovereign, if He wanted to do mighty works in Nazareth, He woulda done. Same with His power in the wilderness. But, I can kind of understand why He wouldn't want to... 

I mean, how would you feel if someone you loved so much continually said to you, 'Yeah, I don't really believe you're gonna do what you said you're gonna do. I don't see it. It's not gonna happen. You've never done anything for me anyway, really. You just got me into a mess and here I am. You can't get me out of here. You can't help me. Actually, forget you. I can't even really be bothered with you anymore.' After a while of hearing that, you might just let that person go...

But of course God is totally committed to the Israelites so He didn't let them go; He did what any loving father would, He disciplined them. 

And they certainly missed out. I can't even imagine what it might have been like had the Israelites taken God at His word and trusted Him to deliver them as He said He would. They would have saved themselves 40 years of wandering in the wilderness. The entire first generation that was denied access to the Promised Land could have entered in. They could have tasted and seen that God is so good, but instead, they chose to believe what their eyes and ears told them rather than what God had said to them.

And all I know is that I don't want to be like that. This is my conviction. I don't want Jesus to walk away from me saying 'I can't do anything here because you don't believe Me.' I don't want to miss out on the great things God has for me, on the things that only God can do in my life, because I choose to trust my senses rather than my spirit. I'm not willing to suffer unbelief and miss out. His plan for my life is too good and too big for that. 

So I choose to believe. I choose to believe that God has amazing things for me, that He is all-powerful and can put me anywhere and with anyone He wants to, that He can use me in mighty ways that only He can explain, and that He can and will be glorified in my life. He is my centre. He is my all-in-all. He is my Alpha and Omega, my beginning and end. Without Him I am nothing. With Him I am unstoppable. I want His power to be seen in my life. I want Jesus, and Jesus alone, glorified in  my life. Therefore, I choose to believe. 

It's Not Over

Wow, I just watched this sermon entitled It's Not Over from John Gray who visited Elevation Church a couple weeks ago. If anything I've written in my last three posts has struck something in you, I would encourage you to watch this message from this crazy guy. He's hilarious. He's profound. And he's right. Enjoy!

Walking By Faith

You know what? God has given me a pretty cool story. Yeah, it's cool right now (although sometimes it's ridiculously hard), but it's actually going to get even better. I totally believe that.

I know most of you don't know the details of my story (actually, very few people do, and by that I mean like 2) or what God has been doing in my life and heart the past few years, but trust me, it's pretty awesome. I have seen God do what only He can do and in one specific area of my life, that has been the cry of my heart for about 10 years.

Regarding this, I know I am meant to write my story. My story of this one aspect of my life and how that has affected me and what God has taught me through it over the past decade. And every time God nudges me again to get going on writing it, I end up saying no. I say no because to me, in my mind, from my perspective, it's not finished. I feel foolish writing down what I believe and what I have heard and seen God say and do when sometimes 'reality'/what my senses tell me, is so contrary to what I believe God is doing. So I refuse. I say, 'When it's finished, then I'll write it.'

But that's the thing: it is already finished. Psalm 139 says that all my days were written before even one of them came into being. Paul wrote in Ephesians that God prepared good things for us long ago. God has always had a plan for my life and He has been leading me and preparing me and to Him, this is actually finished. The work is done, it is certain, it is sure. The only thing is, doubt creeps in because I can't see the fullness of it yet.

And the Word comes to convict my heart:
Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe...
We walk by faith and not by sight
Without faith it is impossible to please God
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen
He who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind...

I want to walk by faith and not by sight. I want my spiritual eyes to be open to the leading of the Lord. I want to believe what He is saying and what He is doing because I want His power at work in my life to do what only He can do. But honestly, sometimes that feels so foolish.

Walking by faith is so contrary to our natural disposition. It's not normal to us. It's not our default. It's the opposite. It's actually quite difficult.

And you know what else I've found to be difficult? Listening to the responses of people in the church when you tell them 'This is what I think God is saying to me.' I am going to exercise some self-control here and not vent about how unsupportive some Christians can be when you trust them by sharing what you believe God is saying to you and doing in your life. I have found they very often pull out the logic card, the reasoning, the practicality of why that cannot be so. I have one piece of Scripture for those people: 1 Corinthians 1:27. Oh and actually, they can chew on 1 Corinthians 2:14 as well.

So, that's why 2 people know my story. Two people who have been the most encouraging, incredibly supportive sisters I could have asked for to walk this journey with me. They even surprise me sometimes. When I share with them something I've found discouraging and if I were them, I'd be saying, 'Amanda, give it up,' within two seconds they've spoken the word of the Lord to me and reminded me of His goodness and faithfulness in His leadership. And honestly, it's in large part due to them that I have made it this far. (NG & AB I so love you both!!)

But my encouragement for you today is to walk by faith, not by sight. To submit your life entirely to God and let Him do with it what He wants, trusting Him that the plans He has for you are so much better than any plans you could possibly come up with for yourself. And as you follow His leading, let go of the wisdom of this world. Embrace the Holy Spirit and let Him do more than reason says is possible. Expect the miraculous, because that's what God does. This week in our team devotions we're studying 1 Kings 18, when Elijah calls down fire from Heaven and Yahweh proves that HE alone is God. There will probably be a blog post born of it. But God is POWERFUL and He wants to do so much more than we could ever ask for or imagine in our lives, because He loves us so much and because He is ABLE!

Also, one other piece of encouragement--be a cheerleader. :) When someone else comes to you and says, 'I feel like this is what God is saying to me,' support them. That doesn't mean you have to agree with it or you have to hear God about it as well, but listen to them, pray for them and speak the word of the Lord to them, encouraging them to TRUST Him. That's what God is looking for, faith that follows Him wherever He leads. And His destination, no matter where it goes, is always glorious.

The Word Tested

So, after leading our team Bible study on the dreams and faith of Joseph, I decided to use it for our weekly lunch club with our students at school. As I told them the story of Joe, I had several of them act it out for us, using their spontaneous creativity and some props I had pilfered from the Ethos Dept's cupboard. I challenged these 11-13 year olds with the concept of a life dream, asking if they had a dream for their lives, and if they knew how to use it to help others. I explained that Joseph's dreams weren't only for himself, they were also for others, so that he could actually help and provide for his family in midst of crisis (thereby preserving the lineage of Jesus, but I didn't go that deep with them).

I've been chewing on the story of Joseph and his dreams for several weeks, and as I was editing my last post, I remembered that Psalm 105 speaks of Joseph and tells us a bit about his time in prison. It says that 'They hurt his feet with fetters, he was laid in irons.' I don't know much about Egyptian prisons during Joseph's time, but if I'm honest, the first mental image I have concerning his situation comes from the musical Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat, where the only set piece on the stage is a circle of bars with a half-dressed, very healthy and well-fed Joseph stuck in the middle...

I don't think reality looked anything like this.

...which is clearly not quite accurate, and I forget that Joseph did actually suffer during his time in prison. I forget that he was there for years. And while there, I wonder if he ever gave up hope. I wonder if discouragement and depression ever plagued him. I wonder if the darkness of his situation ever grew stronger than the hope of his promise.

It says in Psalm 105 that 'Until the time that his word came to pass, the word of the Lord tested him.' This verse has encouraged me in the past and I pray it encourages you too, especially if there's a promise from God that you're waiting for Him to bring to pass in your life. Joseph's story of slavery and imprisonment and then exaltation and destiny realized shows us that, yes God does bring fulfillment to His words, but it's very possible, and even probable, that before He does, there will be a time of testing.

Sometimes I lose faith for myself that what God has promised will actually come to pass in my life, and I think that's what this verse is about. That during the waiting period in Joseph's life, as his life circumstances went from bad to worse, the word of the Lord tested him. The promise from God tested Joseph's faith--would he continue to believe God despite his circumstances, despite what his senses showed him?

And where I always get stuck is here: what if I choose to believe the promise, but then God doesn't do it? Will that break my faith? If I believe so strongly that God has said this one thing, but then it doesn't happen in my life, can I still trust Him? Will I still believe that He is good?

As I've struggled with those thoughts over the years, I am often brought back to Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah, Daniel's friends, who, when Nebuchadnezzar threw them into the fiery furnace said, 'Our God is able to deliver us, but even if He doesn't....' and they refused to give in. Their faith did not waver. That's the challenge. For me and, I think, for everyone waiting on God to deliver His promise to them. Even if He doesn't do it, will we still trust Him? Will we still believe that He is good?

I think that was Joseph's test in the waiting, while he was in the pit of life's circumstances. Even if God never promoted him, would he still trust God? And essentially it was a test to see what was the most important thing to Joseph. Was God his first priority or had the dream become his goal? Was Yahweh preeminent in his life or had the promise become his god?

What's interesting is that we know that Joseph's dream had not become either his goal or his god because it says in Genesis 42 that when his brothers came and bowed down before him, Joseph remembered his dream. He remembered it. Which means he must have forgotten it at some point. It must not have been at the front and center of his brain. It must not have been the focus of his life. And I think that's really interesting, and even challenging. Are there times when I make the promise my god? Are there times I put what I want before God? Are there times my focus is on what I hope for rather than the One who gave me that hope? Honestly, yes there are. But God is so good at helping me and He continues to bring me back to reality and help me put Him first. And oddly, the more He does that, the more He helps me give Him first place in my life, the more He also solidifies His promise in my heart, helping me to believe that He is a God of His word and His word will not fail but be fulfilled. And that is His glory.

So for anyone who is waiting on God to fulfill the promise that He has made to them, let me encourage you to put Him first in everything and leave you with this: