Trusting

My visa has arrived! In my mind, my default-to-negative-thinking mind (really must work on that), that is one less thing to go wrong before I leave. That is one less thing to hinder me from going. Is anyone else like this? I'm sure I'm not alone as I admit that when I am presented with an amazing opportunity like this, I really do look around and attempt to spot anything that could thwart it from coming to be. I suppose I am afraid to get my hopes up. I am afraid I will get too excited and it won't happen, for whatever reason. I don't want to be disappointed. But last time I got to go. Why would this time be any different? I don't know, but I'm still looking out for anything that might stand in the way of me going where I want to go.

Yes, I said "me going where I want to go." I have prayed and prayed and prayed about this. I knocked on every door, and every door opened. As I approached the intersection of each obstacle, every light turned green and every obstacle moved, so I got to keep going. But what if, as I approach this last intersection, the light turns red? What if it doesn't happen? I'm not anticipating that, but I don't want to be like the makers of the Titanic who boasted "God Himself could not sink this ship." If, for some reason, this is not the Lord's heart for me and at 11:59pm He says "no," what will I do? How will I respond? Will I be offended and angry that I spent so much time, effort and money investing in something that just didn't turn out? It wouldn't be the first time. Or will I look to the Lord and say, "I don't know what You're doing, but I trust You anyway?" I hope it would be the latter. But more than that, I hope I don't have that test to pass at this point. I hope to be on my way to my beloved country in 16 days and 2 1/2 hours, and I am trusting the Lord to continue to open every door that needs to be opened between now and then.